Scrapbookpages Blog

March 3, 2010

Heeb magazine announces a fake Holocaust memoir competition

Filed under: Holocaust — Tags: , — furtherglory @ 5:38 am

On February 9, 2010, this was posted on the web site of Heeb magazine:

And thus, we unveil the Heeb Magazine Fake Holocaust Memoir Competition. Simply write a fake Holocaust Memoir recounting your tale of Holocaust survival, get it to us by April 1, and let us do the rest, which, in this case, involves reading your submissions choosing a winner, announcing the winner on Yom Hashoah (April 21) and publishing the winning entry in the subsequent issue of Heeb. You’re reading that correctly. You could be published in Heeb Magazine, and who knows—maybe you could be on Oprah, too?

I’ve been told many times by friends and family that I should write a fake Holocaust survivor book.  I’ve read a few fake Holocaust memoirs, so I know just how it’s done, and I’m the right age to be a survivor.  Finally, here’s my chance for fame and fortune!

Photo published by Heeb magazine

Heeb magazine even published a photo, showing how to make a fake tattoo. Notice how the number 7 is written in German. That’s how you could get caught and be outed as a fake survivor — by not knowing little things like that.

Here are Heeb’s rules for the contest:

1. All entries must be received by April 1, 2009.

2. Entries should be emailed to with the subject line “Heeb Fake Holocaust Memoir Competition” or sent to: Heeb Fake Holocaust Memoir Competition, P.O. Box 687, New York, New York, 10012.

3. Entries may be of any length, but we should tell you that our years of watching TV have really shot our attention span all to hell.

4. Although real Holocaust survivors may enter, the memoirs themselves must be fake.

5. No erotic fan fiction

6. No close friends or relatives of Alex Trebek

7. We reserve the right to mock any and all entries.

8. We reserve the right to publish and mock the winning entry.

9. “Memoirs” shall be defined as a form of writing, not a collage, short film or interpretive dance piece.

10. Jewdar will be the sole arbitrator of entries, and will decide the winner. Don’t be too shocked if it’s Jewdar’s.

11. No parking baby. No parking on the dance floor.

12. No use of the words “tumescent,” “engorged” or “moist,” unless they are referring to cake

13. No previously published fake Holocaust memoirs

14. All entries must be the original creations of the entrant.

15. We are not liable for anything, anytime, anywhere, no givesies backsies, infinity.